Empathy

Ten hours to dream up the New Year (and change the world…?)

Leave a Comment / Uncategorized / By / December 19, 2020 / , , , , , , ,

I haven’t made a new blog post in a while. I briefly lost momentum. I allowed this to happen, and did my best not to judge myself or go into a fear spiral about how my lack of inspiration and motivation to keep writing meant that I’m a failure in general, and can never see a project through, and that this means my entire dream is going to fall apart, and I’ll be humiliated and depressed forever.

Whew, glad I didn’t follow that spiral! (Do some of you recognize that spiral?)

The weather has been Decemberish, and so I haven’t been cycling, really, except for my 3-mile-each-way commute. That’s OK too. Part of what is so meaningful and powerful for me about the process of my dream and vision is that I am doing this for my own pleasure. My own pleasure, of course, includes being of service to the world in the most effective and powerful ways I know how… but I’m really living into a life shift, here, from doing things from a sense of duty or obligation, or thinking that there are certain things I “have to” do (like bicycling in places or weather I would rather not)… to really dreaming into my own change, my own new way of life, where I do things because they bring me joy and satisfaction.

So… as the solstice approaches, I’ve been spending a lot of cozy time on my couch. I have been enjoying music, talking with friends by phone or video, and visioning into this journey.

The other day, a specific vision/action came to me:

I want to get started on this journey now! My dream has two parts: 1) bike around the USA (and parts of Canada) and 2) help shift the world in a positive direction by offering emotional and strategic support to people who care.

I need to wait for circumstances to line up for the first part. My vision is that this will happen next September. But the second part can begin immediately!

I also need to get serious about manifesting the financial/material means to take the physical trip in September. My vision is to somehow create/receive $50,000 (or its equivalent in goods and services) to last me the year of the trip. I continue to hold a vision for one or more fairy godfunders… but I also want to build a broad base of financial and material support. Of course I already have my Patreon set up. (Thank you to my early patrons!!) I am also considering a more traditional crowdfunder, such as GoFundMe. We will see.

As I’ve described before, I wish to offer emotional and strategic support to people who are a good fit to work with me. Some of these people may approach me, and others I might approach, based on my intuition. And, in many ways, I would like to decouple this offering of support from a pay-for-service model. (Hence the other funding sources I’m dreaming up.) But, that traditional model can still provide some of my funding. This project will take a variety of creative sources.

So! Because I wish to offer my supportive skills, and because I wish to begin raising the funds, I have a short-term vision that excites me in this moment: Ten sessions before 2021! If you’re reading this, I hope you can help me with this vision in some way. Here is what I’m seeking:

I want to offer hour-long sessions, by phone or video chat, to ten people between now and New Year’s Day. The more geographically diverse, the better! During each session, I will listen supportively to each person as they describe challenges they have faced in this year, and/or describe a vision for the coming year that excites them, for their own lives and/or for the larger community. As with all my sessions, the content will be confidential unless the person wishes for me to help publicize their idea in order to help it manifest more quickly or powerfully. Those of you who have worked with me before can attest to the surprising power of a simple one-hour conversation.

A few testimonials, from over the years:

“Maren’s ability to hold space is a truly magical thing. I feel like that hour gave me a much needed release, and I can’t express how deep of an impact it has had on me, even months later.”

“I felt invigorated and empowered, more alive and full of hope than I had in a long while. … I felt after our session, I can do this.”

“My dreams are alive again, thanks to Maren. … She’s a great listener. When she provides feedback, her language in describing what she just heard is inspiring in itself. Suddenly my dream sounds legitimate!”

“I always come away feeling lighter and softer and more optimistic that our most glorious dreams come true. We can do it!”

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Wow; it feels great to read those again. I am humbled and inspired to have worked with all of the wonderful people above. 

In return for these ten sessions I’m offering, I request one or more of the following, based entirely on the means and comfort level/preferences of each person:

* Traditional pay-for-service model. My standard rate is $95/hour

* Pay-for-service model at a pay-what-you-choose rate. This could be less than the standard rate if funds are a barrier, or more than that rate if funds are not a barrier and you wish to contribute extra to my journey

* Sign up as a monthly patron of my Patreon, at whatever rate feels right. I believe the minimum contribution is $2/month, and the average is about $8. I don’t believe there is a maximum.

* A trade or in-kind contribution, which may or may not approximate $95 (see above). Some examples of things I am seeking:

          * WordPress website/blog support (big need! The site is very outdated)

          * Free or discounted items for the trip such as Clif bars and the like, lodging credits for hotels or AirBnbs (I won’t always be able to find in-person hosts for every location, sadly), bike/rain gear, etc. Do you have an “in” with a provider of any of the above?

           * Possibly other items or services you have access to that I haven’t thought of yet

* Help me to spread the word of this vision by sharing it with like-minded friends or audiences. Specifically, I would request that you share the Patreon link that outlines my vision and preface it with some words from your own heart about my vision and/or a testimonial of your experience doing a session with me, if you have. Of course that second part is optional if you prefer to keep it private

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So… what say ye?? Can you help me to manifest ten sessions by the end of this year? My intention is that each person who receives a session will find it to be a powerful way to put this year to rest and open up wonderful possibilities for the coming year. And, I hope that with ten of them, I/we will collectively begin to experience the magic and synergy that comes from multiple people setting intentions. That is what my journey is all about!

If you’d like to do a session, or know someone else who might, please contact me at maren@dreamintochange.com

Happy almost-turn-of-the year, everyone. Good things are coming; I feel it.

Inviting the power of empathy into our lives

Leave a Comment / Life coaching for a better world, Nonviolent Communication / By / September 27, 2015 / , , , ,

When I meet people socially, and they learn that I run a professional empathetic listening practice, I hear a wide range of responses.  Some people are confused, not sure what that entails.  Some are surprised.  (“Wow, people pay you to listen to them?”)  But many respond with a sort of “a-ha” expression.  They say things like, “We all need that so much!”  And probably the most common response I hear is, “Oh, I could use some help with my listening skills!  I want to do it, but I find myself talking more than listening.”

People’s responses confirm for me the intuition I had, upon starting my practice years ago, that we all benefit deeply from being listened to – truly heard – more than we generally are in our day-to-day lives.  Our culture is so rushed.  Most of us are racing back and forth amongst our workplaces, our various appointments, the grocery store, maybe going out dancing or to see a show… By the time we get home at the end of the day, it’s all we can do to veg out in front of the television or computer, and then flop exhaustedly into bed, waiting to do it all again tomorrow.  We tend to spend very little time speaking from the heart and truly being heard… nor in listening quietly and deeply to others, taking in their reality and enriching our own.

Years ago, a friend and I decided to attend a local introductory talk by Marshall Rosenberg, founder of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).  What he spoke about was so simple, yet so transformative, that it changed both of our lives immediately.  We subsequently read his book, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life, and we co-founded a local NVC practice group.  Both of those activities were meaningful and enriching to me.  But what I appreciated most about the experience was that my friend suggested that she and I begin meeting every two weeks to talk deeply and give each other our full attention, support, and empathy, with no interruptions, distractions, judgments, or advice.  I thought it sounded like a wonderful idea.  And sure enough, as we made this a regular practice, it deepened my connection to myself and my values, and my connection to her as a friend.  More than ten years later, we are still meeting every two weeks for these conversations, and they continue to enrich my life deeply.

So, I want to encourage you, the reader, to find a space and time to listen deeply to another, and have them listen to you.  There are powerful gifts to be found on either end of the exchange.  You might think of a friend you admire and feel comfortable with, and approach them with the idea.  A helpful structure to follow is for one person to begin, and share whatever thoughts and feelings have been alive for them in the past week or two.  The listener may nod, smile, or offer brief interjections of understanding or support (“Wow, I know exactly what you mean!” or “I can really relate to that experience”) but without taking the focus away from the speaker.  When the speaker feels complete – often after about an hour – then you switch roles until the next speaker has shared enough to feel complete.  It can be a surprisingly powerful experience when each person has felt and expressed their own truth, and each has been enriched by hearing the other’s truth.  These exchanges can help us gain clarity about our values and the direction of our own lives, and can also support a powerful closeness and camaraderie between the two participants, especially over time. I invite you to try it and see for yourself.

I believe that this greater sense of self, and a greater sense of connection to others, also benefits the larger community.  I have been toying with the idea of setting up “listening salons,” where a group of us would gather and pair up in such a way, perhaps for shorter exchange periods such as 20-30 minutes. These events would be similar to the Dream Into Change salons I have recently begun hosting, but they would focus on general emotional support rather than specific ideas and projects. I can host them locally in Portland and/or in various other cities as I travel. I’d love to hear your feedback as to whether an event like that would appeal to you; please feel free to comment below, or email me directly.

An empathy tour!

Leave a Comment / Uncategorized / By / May 5, 2013 / , ,

It’s official! My East Coast Empathy Tour kicks off Saturday, June 1. I’m very excited, and curious as to what it will look like, on the street. The itinerary is as follows: Boston, June 1-4; New York, June 5-7, DC, June 8-12, and Raleigh, June 12-15. If you live in one of these areas – or know someone who does – and you have contacts or suggestions of where I should sit with my sign, I would love to hear from you.

I launched the Indiegogo fundraising campaign two days ago, and I’m so heartened to see people willing to contribute to my dream financially. I’m looking to raise $2500, to cover lost pay and travel expenses, so if you’re able to make even a small donation, I would be very grateful! Perks for contributing include Happy to Listen private empathy sessions and Dream Into Change inspiration/coaching sessions. (You can use them for yourself or a friend, or “pay it forward” so that I can offer a free session to someone who otherwise would not be able to afford it.)

In addition to funding, I am seeking to spread the word about this campaign, so if you can share the Indiegogo link or a link to this blog on your Facebook page or Twitter feed or email list, I would love that! I really want for this tour to help raise awareness of empathy as an important component for personal health and happiness, and cultural health and happiness.

I have been in touch with Edwin Rutsch of the Center for Building a Culture of Empathy, and he and I have been brainstorming about an “empathy bus” that could drive around the United States sometime next year, offering empathy and trainings to folks all around the country who are hungering for this, and even possibly heading to the White House to discuss what President Obama has publicly called a “deficit of empathy” in our culture.

So… there are all kinds of exciting possibilities percolating. I am thrilled to be making my own contribution to the movement by taking this East Coast tour. Thanks to all for your support!

An empathy tour?

2 Comments / Nonviolent Communication, Travel / By / March 11, 2013 / ,

 

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I am lit up about a new idea, and I want to share it with you!

I am dreaming up an “empathy tour.”

Empathy has been on my mind a lot lately.  As I have been stepping back a bit and re-envisioning what my Dream Into Change practice might look like from a client’s perspective, I have been focusing more on my Happy to Listen practice.  I really love that work, holding sacred space for people who choose to live consciously to express whatever challenges, triumphs, or explorations are alive for them at any given time.

At the same time that I have been focusing on empathy professionally, I have also been pondering how incredibly important it is for all people, and indeed for healthy communities and our human family on a large scale.  People today are so busy and overwhelmed with life that they have very little time and attention to offer one another.  Of course, this means that they/we are also very limited in the time and attention we are able to receive from one another. People don’t get a chance to express their thoughts and feelings and be truly heard. And this only serves to compound our stress and overwhelm.  On a larger, community scale, it degrades our human bonds.

So I feel inspired to do what I can to address this, on a personal scale.  Several times over the last few weeks, I have taken to the streets of Portland with a sign – modeled after the “free hugs” signs that started popping up a few years ago – that reads, “Need to talk? Free empathy :-)”  I station myself in a pedestrian-heavy spot, and simply sit, for about an hour and a half, offering my ear to those who would like to talk.

It has been deeply rewarding.

People from all walks of life have taken me up on it.  They have talked about all kinds of things, from the concept of empathy itself to actual, often painful, issues in their own lives.  People have cried. People have thanked me for listening.  Many people who have not stopped to talk have given me thumbs-up, shared smiles and words of support and encouragement, and/or photographed me.  Many people have walked by, looked at the sign, and smiled to themselves as they walked on. One person stopped to talk for awhile, then sketched me.  One person, clearly affected by simply seeing me with my sign, said, “Thank you for being here – on behalf of all humanity!”

I think I’ve struck a chord.

So now, I want to take it to the next level.  I want to travel to more cities, listen to more people, and spread the word about empathy.  Perhaps network with local groups – such as NVC practice groups – to set up local empathy circles.  Perhaps offer empathy flash-mobs.  Perhaps hand out fliers with simple instructions on how to listen more deeply and effectively to nourish friends, family, and strangers alike.

You know… start an empathy movement!

And, since I’m dreaming into my own change here – wanting to follow my own bliss while contributing to the greater good – I want to do it in a way that is extra fun and nourishing to me.  This means two things: 1) incorporating train travel, and 2) traveling to places where I can not only connect with strangers, but also spend time strengthening my connections with my own family.  Many of them live on the East Coast.  So, I’m thinking I could fly to Raleigh/Durham, spend a few days there, then take the train to the DC area (how awesome would it be to offer empathy to folks on the steps of the US Capitol?), then get back on the train to New York (which I have always wanted to visit and never have), and finally head up to Boston.  Then fly back to Portland. Empathy everywhere I go.  Enjoying train travel. Connecting with parents, aunt & uncle, cousin, and various friends. Doing some vegan culinary tourism. Blogging about it all… and, if all goes well, beginning to build an empathy movement.

I’m imagining a crowdfunding campaign to cover travel expenses and other costs.

So… what do you think? Do you think this is something the world needs?  Do you have ideas, or contacts in any of those cities?  Would you contribute to a crowdfunding campaign for this tour?  Would you spread the word to your friends and social networks?

I’m a little scared… and very excited!